Pursuit

I feel like I’m in an experiment of sorts where I am both supervisor and subject. Even though I may still struggle to overcome the subsequent thoughts and emotions of tough situations, I think I’ve learned a good bit about the male heart and what it needs to be free from fear and free to love; to be more alive. But knowing the heart of a woman? Sadly, it is a new and sweet burden to me. I say sadly because, after some years of marriage, I am only now beginning to see the depth of a woman’s desire for love, and how it is very different from my own. There is new incentive because I have two additional women in my life, the girls that now live with my wife and me. I have raised, and have some comfort, with sons. These girls expose a new fear; that I lack understanding to speak truth and life into their lives, leading me to prayerfully seek wisdom and strategy. A fresh desire to love my wife better has begun within this new reality. And so it is a sweet burden as God is taking me deeper into my own heart into fresh understanding that is both wonderful and difficult.

Love is the energy and economy of life. We all desire to be loved and our heart is the gauge which reflects the lack or satisfaction of this desire met. There are many facets to explore on this subject but the purpose here is to reveal one that I find most illuminating. It’s this; the heart of a woman wants to be pursued. This is clearly a reflection of God’s heart as revealed in scripture. This hits me deep. You can hear the heart of God, His desire for us to long for Him the way He longs for us. He is continually extending Himself to me and it is shameful how often I miss this. For me to be whole, I need to pursue Him. For me to rescue the heart of a woman, I must pursue her. For me to be as Christ I must not stop.

There is this. She will not trust me. This makes it hard to give her the very thing she wants from me. She wants to be seen as beautiful but doubts me if I say so. She wants to be valued but feels insignificant. She wants to be loved but in choosing to eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil she is wounded. Henceforth accused of what she has done, she will, in her own strength, forever doubt. I have pursued my girls, each of them, watching this mixture of pleasure and discomfort. Often, my love is unreturned or given as lip service. It is from this vantage point that I have best learned the heart of God. I pray for healing to pursue Him better and to extend that healing to all those I love that I might point them to the One who is our worthy, perfect love.

God says
That He loves me.
That He wants to talk to me.
That He wants to walk with me.
That He is desperately chasing me.
That He is not embarrassed by His love for me.
He wants me to love Him the same.
To not be embarrassed by my love for Him.
To pursue Him, to be desperate for Him.
To walk with Him.
To talk to Him.
To love Him.
To say so.


Christ has come to return us to the Father and to restore our broken hearts. I pray that we would see ourselves as redeemed and receive the freedom that healing brings. I pray that we would pursue Him.